I’m going to guess that you are reading this for any number of reasons related your complex relationship with your man, or boy. After all, we named our site BoyfriendsSuck.com because we wanted to talk to women whose boyfriends….well..suck.
Maybe you are here because you don’t understand where he stands in the relationship? He wants you one day and seemingly not the next? You are loyal and committed and would take a bullet for him, yet you are not sure he would shed one tear if you broke up? His actions make you want to scream and move to another planet, but a flash of his smile and a few lines keep you firmly in place?
There are reasons for all it and it’s time someone spilled the beans! You see, I am a man who once played every game, used every advantage, and “competed” at the highest level of what I sometimes refer to as “Relationship Hand-to-Hand Combat”. I have embarked on a mission to dedicate the rest of my life to blog about every possible scenario as I have seen them all from both a woman’s and a man’s point of view dozens and dozens of times. And I will provide in-depth insight and critical things to consider when deciding your next move.
Why would I do this? The short answer is I matured. However there are a few other important things that occurred while I was passing time on that exhausting journey. I saw way too many close female friends suffer unimaginable “mental torture” from their relationships. I have seen countless beautiful, intelligent, perfect women brought to their knees and their will to live literally sucked out of them by bad relationships. Secondly, I became a father several years ago to a beautiful daughter who is now at the age where I just want to shield her from men until she’s 30!
Where did I become an authority on this matter you might ask? Well 20 years ago, I was a young, handsome (at my mother thinks so), well-rounded, extremely likable guy when it came to relationships. My professional career had successfully kicked off, income projections were exciting, I was traveling the world and my storybook life was just a matter of time! Oh, except for one small thing….
Who would I spend this glorious journey with? How would we meet? Where would we live? How many bedrooms would our mansion have… 10 bedrooms or 15?
Little did I know that trying to find the answers to these questions would take 19 years to answer. The Relationship Journey would become, by far, the toughest aspect of my life. Some days it would show me the view from the highest mountains tops and others it would show me how it feels to live inside a coffin. The quest to find “the one” turned me into a serial dater who wanted to solve the puzzle so badly that I worked it excessively by planning, analyzing, and processing woman through a pipeline of unattainable expectations on a emotional train ride with no final destination.
And during my tenure as the conductor of the crazy train I created false hope, excelled in relationship confusion, manipulated women, and left a trail of broken hearts. I was raised by great parents (married over 50 years) and I was a loving person capable of making women smile on the inside when I wanted to. I was having fun, exploring relationships, loving women left and right, and enjoying my new found confidence as a young man. But often I found that it was time to move on and normally in an abrupt fashion. I left destruction in my wake that hurt me almost as much as it hurt them. I can remember crying at night often and asking myself and God “why do I do this?” “Why am I hurting both myself and others so often?”.
The answer, in part, was that a second journey taking place in another far away place. It had a separate and distinct mission. It would have it’s own confusion, triumphs and disasters. That journey was also mine. How could I be on two major journeys in two places at the same time? This is very confusing huh?
Well that journey was the journey to find out who the heck I was, who I wanted to be and what I REALLY wanted and needed from my other half in a serious relationship. These two journeys for men are real, and we begin to travel them at the same time in early adulthood. Ideally the Relationship Journey would lag behind the Finding Oneself Journey, but unfortunately that often just isn’t the case.
The result, young men like my former self wanting desperately to find “the one”, jumping from relationship to relationship at break neck speed without a clue about who we are and what we really want or need in a partner. And your boyfriend’s behavioral symptoms of being in this “conflicted state” are the basis for many of my blog posts and my attempt to provide you some new understanding of this phenomenon.
You’ll also learn that some boyfriends were “bad” boyfriends and “bad” people, right from the start, even though you didn’t know it yet. But you’ll also learn that not all men are “bad”, but even “good” ones do bad things in relationships. However, being a good boyfriend who does bad things, doesn’t excuse him anymore than it would if he were a good guy committing a bad crime. The pain feels the same whether it was invoked by a good guy or a bad one, and the emotional consequences still have to be dealt with.
I’m here to even the playing field, because women are disadvantaged when going toe-to-toe with men in the relationship arena for one single reason. Men play by a different set of rules, some play by none at all. It’s no wonder I see a dozen “I’m never dating again!” posts a day in my Facebook feed.
Editors Note: We’d love to see your comments below or please feel free to “share”. If you’d like to discuss relationships or have yours featured on a future blog, comment below or subscribe and send me an email at: BoyfriendsSuck.com and let’s talk. Good Luck!