Relationships can be brutal at times especially when you are on the short end of a breakup. Most of the time when are the ones getting dumped it can leave us proclaiming every chance we get “I’m never dating again!” to anyone who will listen.
And rightfully so because often times breakups are so devastating that we convince ourselves that we will never allow ourselves to be knocked down this hard ever again. That this pain is worse than death! Not to mention the toll it takes on our friendships, social life, professional performance….heck even our personal hygiene sometimes!
However at some point, as time passes, after several weeks, months, maybe even years our natural instinct to love kicks in and so does our desire to open up, to feel butterflies, and to give the wheel another spin. Often it isn’t even a conscious decision we make but can be as innocent as a chance encounter on a girl’s night out that leads to the beginning of our next relationship. So how will this next one end up, only time will tell but you should be focused on how YOU are going to handle things early on in the relationship.
It’s common to feel as though we didn’t learn a darn thing from that past relationships which leaves us with the dread of feeling like it was just a waste of time and that you keep going through the same old crap. But the fact is, the lessons where there, but did you recognize them and actually learn from them? Even if you learned nothing about what you want in a man or how to handle certain situations differently next time, you learned about a subconscious choice we all make daily in every relationship especially early on. You learned that you don’t have to go ALL-IN so early on. You learned that some of us are better off “leaving one foot out the door”.
It is the proverbial “safety net” if you will. But how does one deploy such a strategy? How can you stop from killing a bottle of wine on your second date and calling your mom to tell her you want to have 6 babies with him? Well chances are that you will slip up and put him on a pedestal too soon and start to fantasize way too early that he is “the one”. Even the most cautious and guarded women have slip ups because they want so desperately to believe that this is guy that will make the rough past all worth the pain!
Using this “half way in” strategy starts before you even meet the next guy. You begin to adopt this layer of protection you need by adopting a new mindset before the next Mr. Right starts using his God given “relationship karate” on you. Now remember, you and I both know you can’t adhere to them all the time and that the script will probably be thrown out the first time he buys you front row tickets to your favorite show, but you have to try to reprogram your brain to approach relationship differently if you want a different result. Slow down because it’s not a race and “Relationship Race Car Drivers” often crash and burn!
- Stop moving your stuff into their place intentionally or unintentionally – I know you often spend a lot of time at his place early on, but just take your stuff home. By starting to “build up” a little life at his pad, you are subconsciously building up your life around him way too early. By the time he bails 6 months from now you feel like the world just ended, and worse you have a ton of crap to go get somehow! And the that’s just the beginning of the tough road ahead….
- Stop ditching your friends! – I know you’d much rather spend every waking moment with this new and exciting person, but by doing so you are damaging vital friendships and giving up a piece of your independence. He decides to dump you and you pushed aside the people you need the most during your time of suffering.
- Stop trying to make his closest buddies your new BFF’s! – Yes, you want to get to know his friends, show them your awesome side and put to rest any concerns they may have in you dating their boy. However, going the extra mile early on to make them love you and you in turn love them too is just asking for trouble. Again, he bails and now you have to dismantle this complex set of friendships when really you shouldn’t be his friends BFF’s in the first place. All of this leads to more turmoil that you just don’t need when trying to move on.
- Stop fantasizing about the future with him so early – Look, you guys are just getting to know each other often times this takes anywhere from 6 months to years depending on how often you are together and how well you communicate. So stop allowing yourself to day dream about your wedding dress, the way he’ll propose and the names of your future kids. Stop yourself if you catch yourself doing that before you REALLY know him and because you are building an even more elaborate future made of glass, and you know what happens when it gets shattered. You have a million pieces to clean up! Again, very painful!
- Stop doing what he wants to do all the time! – Women are notorious for being the one in the relationship that says “I’m good doing whatever, you decide”. Sounds harmless and makes you feel like you are contributing to a happy relationship. However, by doing so you are letting go of a vital piece of yourself, your will. You are deferring to him how you will spend your time thereby squashing your own choices and desires. He decides that he wants to date the hot bartender who gave him her number when you were in the bathroom, and now you suddenly don’t know what to do with your time. Why, because you forgot what makes you happy after doing what he wanted every day!
So next time you meet a new guy, print these 5 things out and post it to your bathroom mirror. You need to have some kind of basic defense and new approach if you a woman who is prone to rushing into things, because I guarantee men walk in with their game plan, whether you see it or not.
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