Anna on Relationships: “If you think you should get out, do it, don’t hesitate!”

Sometimes we meet someone and they are so special that somewhere along the line we decide, “I’m going to give it my all”.  So we dedicate ourselves to being the best partner we can be, we do everything we know how to do in order to make it successful.  We love the way we want to be loved, we look to give more than receive, we work hard to build a bond that can stand for eternity, we learn and we grow as individuals and as a couple.  There are no guarantees in the world of love, but that shouldn’t stop us from trying!

This week we sat with Anna to find out about some of her past dating experiences and discuss our outlook on dating. 

So Anna, thanks for making time for us today… we understand that you have experienced a breakup in the recent past, can you tell us about it?

I was left with nothing after I gave up everything, all of my time, money, car, dreams, goals and being dependent for 5 years with the expectation to get married. This is actually the second time I’ve been in a situation like this.

That being said… I’ve always resonated with this quote by Elizabeth Gilbert and I feel like it best explains where I’m coming from and why I let this happen to me; “I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men.  I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks.  I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential.  I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness.  Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”

Amazing!  I have never heard that before but I think many of us can relate to this tendency!   To borrow a sports analogy, when some of us love we “leave it all on the court”.   We constantly develop a clear and joyous vision of our life with this person and then one day it ends and you look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, “where do I even begin to rebuild my life?”

Your positive energy radiates from you, so you seem to be in a good place now?  Your “rebuilding” seems to be going well….

Thank you for saying that 😊 I totally agree and I am definitely in a better place!  Finally able to chase my dreams and do the things I’ve always wanted. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you aren’t being held back from reaching your potential.

So have you ever done anything to get back at him or another ex-boyfriend?

Not my style, I just live my life without them… that’s torture enough.

We have written articles on “starting over” and know it is really hard, especially the first weeks and months.  Things like staying busy, spending extra time with friends, making lists to stay productive each day, etc.  Are there any techniques that you use?    

It’s important to create healthy habits, eat right, get outside for some fresh air and be active to kick-start your new life. Do whatever you can to make yourself happy; take up a new hobby, listen to uplifting music, immerse yourself in an inspirational book and always lean on the lord to help you through the hard times.

Those are some excellent words of wisdom! 

So when discussing past relationships with women, we often hear that in retrospect they felt controlled and manipulated by their ex-boyfriends, can you think of any manipulation techniques men have tried to use on you?

Any and all of them!  Are there guys out there that aren’t manipulative?  I have yet to meet one.

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Well there is definitely a major difference between a people’s natural tendency to push for what they want in healthy way versus using manipulation to control their partners. 

So can you tell us about the worst manner in which you have been broken up with?

I don’t think there’s anything worse than being told to your face that you’re no longer wanted by the person you loved unconditionally and planned to spend the rest of your life with.

True, that is a tough thing to have to go through.   So what was the final straw that caused you to break up and what advice would you give other women when stuck in a bad relationship?

Realizing that nothing would ever change if I stayed.  Ladies trust your intuition.  If you think you should get out, do it, don’t hesitate.  More than likely you’ll regret staying, I know this all too well!

So after some rough relationship experiences, what have you learned and how has it changed your approach towards men and dating?

I’ve learned that I will never give up everything or change myself just to make a man happy.  I’ve also learned not to ignore the red flags, more than likely they’ll keep popping up.  I’ve become much more skeptical of men especially now that I feel like I’m in my “prime”, it’s hard to tell who’s genuine and who just wants to spend time with a pretty girl.  I’m so much more than that.  I want to spend my time with someone who will take the time to understand me, support my dreams and be my equal; not someone who will be insecure and control every move I make.

I have come to the realization that there is nothing lovely about having to continuously convince someone to love & appreciate you.  Know your worth.

Well sounds like you have some new-found perspective that will prepare you for relationships in the future.  

So let’s get to the question that always elicits the funniest responses….  Can you share your worst or funniest sexual experience?

Sorry but unfortunately, I don’t kiss and tell 😏

What if I pay you $100?

Still no!

Ok, so what about some strange or gross ex-boyfriend habits?

Clipping toenails in the house and not cleaning up after it.  Always going to the bathroom with the door open.  Chewing tobacco/dip/spit cups. -SO GROSS-

Agreed, not sure how anyone can date someone who dips!  Ok, but have to ask you about the bathroom thing because I’ve had a many debates over this but I agree about closing the door.  I think that “yes”, we get extremely comfortable with our partners and there is not much that comes between us, but going number 2 is something I just don’t want to think about my partner doing no matter how much I love them!

Agreed, I’m all about being as open and comfortable with someone as possible, but I think some things should be kept private; I don’t care who you are.. using the toilet isn’t sexy.

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Let’s talk dating!  Give me an ideal date for you?

Something outdoors!  Hiking, swimming, going for a walk around town, trying a new experience together or just sitting and watching the sunset.

Interesting, seems like women we interview focus more on new experiences and fun activities rather than the traditional “dinner/drinks” date.

Don’t get me wrong.. I love getting dressed up for dinner & drinks, but I need to be more than just wined & dined for someone to leave a lasting impression.

Describe your type of guy using 4 words….

Driven, fun, athletic and adventurous

Something a guy did that made you immediately stop talking to him?

Sent a bad selfie. I feel like I should defend myself by saying I’m a photographer/model and not in the least bit shallow… but I do have high photo standards 😉

LOL!  😂 So I often find myself coaching guys on dating dos/don’ts and I know I over analyze everything but I recall telling a few guys NOT to send selfies unless they are damn sure they are photogenic as hell!  Takes a certain degree of “self-awareness” to be successful in the dating realm.

Can you tell us about a bad first date or “meet-up”?

Luckily I don’t have one! I rarely go on dates… I’m very selective when choosing who I spend my free time with.

Biggest pet peeve when it comes to guys?

When men are controlling, manipulative or obsessive.

 Has a guy ever said or done anything that was a deal-breaker for a second date?

Talking too seriously about having kids or what our future would be like together.. pump the brakes!

Any career fields that a guy might be in that are an absolute “will not date”?

When it comes to love nothing is off-limits… but I do think it would be very difficult to date someone in the military service, I’m amazed by the people who can handle a long distance relationship like that. For me though, I wouldn’t want to go more than a few days without seeing my significant other.. I can travel anywhere for work so that hasn’t  really been an issue for me.

 Worst or funniest pickup line or messages you get on social media?

I wouldn’t say it’s funny, but I do get proposed to quite often.  As for worst pickup line, I absolutely hate getting the message “when are we hanging out” from someone I hardly know.  Don’t assume I’m interested in spending time with you, ask me on a date like a gentleman.

Yeah, I agree!  Not sure where men lost the art of just straight up asking a woman on a date, but I sense that asking in that indirect way is a way to lessen the blow if they get turn down.  But men have got to be able to ask like a gentlemen and accept a “no” and move one.

Instant turn-ons?  Turn-offs?
Turn Off: Cheesy snapchat filters. I can handle the occasional puppy filter, but pretty much anything else will make me cringe and lose all physical interest. Bad skin, breath or hygiene in general.
Turn Ons: Having ambition, being aggressive(romantically speaking), good taste in music, a man who can “cook”, and a little bit of chivalry can go a long way.
A good cook?  So food is one way to your heart! 🤔
So have you ever used a dating app… anything interesting happen?
I briefly used Bumble to meet new people while traveling.. It’s a great way to make new friends and connections, most of which I still keep in touch with!
Ever get weird or annoying messages or snapchats from guys…d*ck picks, etc?
Luckily I don’t really get sent anything inappropriate 😊 But one time I thought I was privately sending a late night snap and accidentally posted it to my story and didn’t realize until that morning.. needless to say I was pretty embarrassed but was able to laugh it off. Hoping I don’t ever make that mistake again!
LOL! 😂 I think most of us have done something similar!
Can you list these in order of importance when looking for a future mate:  His income, looks, how much he can make you laugh, how good he is in the sack. 
My number one thing is definitely personality, being able to have fun & laugh together is super important for a lasting relationship.  Second would be physical attraction… I need to feel wanted and desired by the man I’m with.  And the least of my worries would be income, you can have it all but without the first two a relationship is destined to fail.
Very WISE woman!  Are you related to Dr. Phil?  lol 😏
So we know men AND women aren’t perfect… so can you share something you have done or certain tendencies you have that could be considered flawed or an area that needs work?
I fall fast and love hard, tending to give up too much of myself trying to please the person I’m with.  Seeing the highest potential in a man and believing that he can reach it instead of looking at the reality of the situation.

I think there are millions of folks, including myself, that are guilty of this.  But they do say that knowing is half the battle, so recognizing this in yourself is a great step towards leveraging it as a strength!  

Anna, thank you so much for taking time with us, we sincerely appreciate your time and your insight!   Keep smiling and good luck with your photography and modeling career!  And we hope to cross paths again in the future.

To see more of Anna’s journey.. follow her on Instagram and Snapchat!

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IG: @annadepperschmidt

Snapchat: @annadphotos

Photo Credit: Malachi Banales
www.malachibanales.com

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